I’ve spent most of my life around people judging others by the way they’re dressed, what kind of car they own, where they vacation and simply by just looking at them. At the same time I went to church every Sunday so inside me those two things clashed from a very early age.

 I knew people think of me a certain way and it wasn’t who I was. Because they’re idea of me was better than my actual reality I didn’t bother correcting them, but it also kept me in check not to assume things about other people. My opinion of other people was solely based on what I saw and heard with my own eyes and ears. A simple advice for those still open to change and grow: “When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.”  So assume nothing!

 I haven’t had it easy, in fact still waiting for at least an ‘easier’ time, so it always blew my mind when people ( sadly yes, mostly girls) would express jealousy towards me. Once upon a time  I worked with a group of girls and at one point one of them organized them to tell stories about me to our boss so I would get fired. To this day I know for a fact I’ve never done anything to this person to intentionally hurt her in any way and I am still confused what was her reasoning behind that. After our boss called a meeting and we met I felt ambushed: everyone was avoiding eye contact with me, looking at the floor and our boss was dead serious. Once they started talking I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and still none of them looked me in the eyes. I stayed calm because they were all ‘guilty’ of the very same things they’re accusing me of so I thought I’ll just fight it with their ’logic’. At the end reason worked, but simply because I was lucky to have a boss who looked at all sides, took in consideration what everyone had to say and came to a simple solution: they wasted her time, made her come from the capital and for no good reason and every single one of them was not all that innocent. Sadly I was always taught to have ‘receipts to prove it’ and I had them. The ‘meeting’ ended with most of them crying and apologizing to me. I accepted it and moved on, but the dynamic changed for good. For the closure of this incident let me give you a little context on how bizarre I found that person going after me. If it was jealousy she could use some help, cause I’ve never had anything people could be jealous of ( unless, obviously you simply assume things about me). If anything I should have been jealous of her: she got along well with her parents and siblings, they were much better off than me or my family, they owned a house and a summer house by the sea, she had a very nice and very good looking boyfriend who seamed to adore her, while I couldn’t get a guy to ask me out. So next time you feel a surge of jealousy towards someone ( and you will because it’s a normal human emotion) think twice before saying anything or acting on it. 

Unfortunately this is just one example in my own life, so at this point stuff like this don’t even faze me. But it might hurt someone else who hasn’t had that kind of experience. 

I’ve been working with people since I was 14 years old. The reason behind me starting to work at that age is a story for another time. In all that time I have also caught myself at times assuming things about some people. However based on my life experience I know better than to say anything before hearing both sides of the story or get some kind of ‘proof’ to confirm my assumptions.  Then there are people, strangers, who will ask all sorts of inappropriate questions. Too many girls/women ( including myself) were asked personal questions by complete strangers, just because. So here comes another pearl of wisdom from me: whether you’re a stranger or an acquaintance or even a friend, don’t ask women why they’re single, why they don’t have kids, why they lost/gain weight and all things that are none of your business. You never know what someone is going through and how that question can impact them. I don’t doubt men get some inappropriate questions as well, but they either don’t care or answer back so it doesn’t cross your mind to do it again. 

What you see may be just the tip of the iceberg or a completely wrong impression of the person you’ve made based on what you think and believe. Unless a person willingly chooses to share their personal stories, life with you maybe think twice before assuming or saying anything.

***‘For Reasons Unknown’ by The Killers