Growing up, there was not much talk about things that actually matter in life. Disney cartoons were nothing like today’s. Most, if not all, female characters were dependent on finding the prince to save them from miserable or an ordinary existence. Nowadays you get an updated and in my opinion better version of characters who can fend for themselves and even for others. Watching Malificent for one, made me feel like that version is a redemption for all the weak, needy characters that came before her. If nobody told you yet, here it goes:you are enough (sometimes even too much)!
Because ultimately, there’s only one person you need to keep happy your whole life. The one you wake up with every single morning and go to sleep with every night from birth to death. It’s you. Parents want what’s best for you, but only you know what would that be. Aim to be the best version of yourself without hurting anyone on the way!That’s not me parenting, that’s the child in me that needed to hear that.
There are no parenting advices here for a simple reason: I’m neither equipped nor willing to talk/ write about something I have no experience in.
Another thing nobody told me was: it’s ok to be female and childless by choice. I’ve always known I didn’t want to have children ( nothing to do with financial aspect, finding ‘the one’ to have them with, and all other fairytales) but when I would voice my opinion I was quickly shoot down with ‘ you’re young, you’ll change your mind’, ‘you just have to find the right person’,…Well, since then, I’ve stopped voicing my feelings regarding that subject and on my journey of life found so many kind, interesting, successful women (some much older than me)who shared my choice.
What nobody told me and I wish they had: not everyone is meant to do everything! Not everyone wants to ( some even shouldn’t) go to college, get married, have kids and specially in that order. We are not all meant to check all the boxes. Which doesn’t mean that if you do have a desire to actually do all those things is bad or wrong in any way either. I grew up for the first 10 years of my life surrounded by people who mostly looked like me, all spoke the same language and were made to believe that we are all cookie cutters or if not feel some sort of shame about it. There’s a lot of us out there who are not fitting the mold and if nobody told you: it’s ok. You just might have to go a little further than your family or friends to find your tribe.
I know the phrase ‘be kind’ has been used a lot in recent times, but maybe it’s because people forget to practice it. It costs you nothing to practice kindness and it’s also soul rewarding. I was thought that through vague lens of religion and thought you had to do great acts of kindness. It’s actually rather simple: smile to someone who looks like they could use it, say ‘hello’ to a cashier in the grocery store or your Uber/cab driver , buy a snack or lunch to someone who’s got a sign up asking for help. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture to be kind.
With that being said, there are so many other things I wish somebody told me to better prepare me for a life that doesn’t even remotely resemble a fairytales.
To be continued…
***’When I Grow Up’ by Garbage and ‘Ooh la la’ by The Faces