Growing up I was teased by kids my age…a lot. About lots of things. One of those things were me gravitating towards older people for company. I didn’t mind it because: it was true. One my boy relatives used to make fun of me having ‘mature’ friends like his mom and in that moment ( because of course it would happen ) one of my mom’s friends was coming our way and stopped to chat with me. Kids/ teenagers though it was funny and I thought it was normal.
Not sure what exactly drew me to people older than me ( when you’re a kid 5 years it’s ’older’) : weather it was loosing my childhood at very young age, desire to lear something ( no google back then and five to ten channels on tv) and them having life experience could provide it, or just how I was wired. I also learned at a very young age to be cautious around people, so no matter the gender or age or anything else for that matter, I knew not everyone can be trusted with what they claim to be a fact. I believe that at some level I just could not connect to kids my age because they wouldn’t understand. Turns out it was a right instinct, because when I did reveal in my 20s and 30s some things I went through as a child people my age I grew up with seamed surprised and unable to relate to say the least.
Before I could form actual friendship with people my senior I found solace in the books and films. I’d read two books a week as a child and my nanny were tv and VCR. Calling me antisocial, because I preferred the company of books and tv over playing outside with the other kids in the neighborhood, was in fact correct. It was the tone of it I had a problem with,not the simple fact of it. As I got older it simply became more comfortable to be talking to people older than me if I had any issue I needed help with. One of my very dear and close friends is closer in age to my mother that me, but when I’m with him I always get genuinely surprised by that fact. Then when you past the ‘big’ 3-0, age really became just a number and now I feel like that ‘in between’ age. I find myself relating to both younger than me and older than me people. Just until recently I was that ‘kid’ people would come to when they needed help with how to write an email, learn how to text or explain why their kid ( my friend) is acting certain way. Now I find myself asking my friend’s kids to explain certain technical, social media things and pop culture to me. I guess as a geriatric millennial I really am in between an up and coming Gen Z and slightly unrepresented Generation X.
One topic I found most resentment and support at the same time from everyone across the board was my choice to be childless. It’s a whole subject I could write a book on, but to sum it up: I always knew I didn’t want to have children and I was never ashamed by it, despite some people’s best attempts. In the last decade or so I have met so many smart, intelligent, struggling, single and married older women who made it comfortable for me to voice it without getting ready to defend it. Not having children gave me a ‘permission’ not to know what kids these days are into,unless I wanted to and the wisdom of the older ones around me helped me navigate the good,the bad and the ugly life has brought my way.
My friend’s children, I must say, are simply wonderful kids and a joy to be around. That just gives Generation X and The Millennials a lot of credit of how they choose to raise their children. Obviously it’s not all smooth sailing but I think the balance they’re aiming for between being a parent and their kids knowing they always have their back it’s a great skill. As I originally wrote: I am a walking,taking cautionary tale and I’m open to learn more about anyone and anything that’s different from me. Having intergenerational friendship helps you do exactly that : live, learn and love our similarities as well as differences.
*** ‘Friend’ by Ziggy Marley